I definitely feel like I babble on way too much about my guy troubles on here, heh. But yeahh, things are still kind of confusing, so I've finally narrowed it down and I'm gonna focus on this only this one guy right now. I'm not realy pursuing it, but if he starts to show more interest then I guess I'll go for it? I don't really know, I'm just trying not to think about it so much.

About 2 years ago my friend got me addicted to Lost. Right now I'm not too thrilled with the new season...I mean it's good, it just seems like they've kinda run out of ideas? anyone else agree? And just a few months ago another friend got me to start watching heroes, like I need to get hooked on another show haha. But Heroes is definitely a good show too, the same pattern with Lost I guess though. The early seasons always seem to be better.

So I haven't been on here in about a month, I  think it's better that way so I have more on my mind that I need to let loose on here.

It's finally 2009. A new year for a new start. Honestly I never really feel like the next year of my life will be drastically changed by making new years resolutions or anything. One of my friends said, "Ha, my new years resolution is to think of one for next year." School's been tough but I'm getting through. I'm finding out more and more that I really like learning. Sounds kinda weird but I do. Before I would just sit in class and do work to get it done and not really remember much other than cramming for tests. But school's a lot more enjoyable now that I actually am engaging myself more.

          Well enough about school...I've definitely been having my boy issues, haha. My best guy friend in the whole world showed up randomly at my house one night telling me that he's liked me for awhile. It was just way too much for me. I feel like dating him would ruin our friendship, and I wouldn't want to risk that at all. And I guess there would be a chance of marriage, but I'm not thinking about that for awhile. So we talked, and later he said that it's probably better that we stay good friends. But once in awhile...well I feel like I really wanna be with him. And it's so hard but I really think I just want a boyfriend. It's more the concept of having someone there, having stuff to do on the weekends, and just having fun. The one thing I really miss about my past boyfriend was just being able to talk and trust him about things. I really think I'm just missing the "concept" of having a boyfriend, and that's why I might think that I like him. I'm sure if I said I wanted us to date he would go for it, but it wouldn't be fair to him because I wouldn't be dating him for the right reasons.
          Which brings on another problem. I'm also interested in someone else, maybe? He's a great guy, but I don't really know him that well and I don't see him often. And he is SO confusing. I thought for awhile that he might be interested? So we were talking and he wanted to know if I liked anyone or anything. Eventually he narrowed it down to two people, and I told him it wasn't the one guy. So either he's stupid and assumed it was this other guy, or he figured it out that it's really him that I'm interested in. And now we haven't talked in like a week. But I really was finally getting the feeling that he might like me, and now all of a sudden he's not talking to me? I don't know what to do. I might just forget about it and not worry about relationships right now. But I just don't know.

Well now that I've ranted on about school and guys, I think I'll be done. advice please? if anyone really wants to read this

Ok so I'm gonna apologize for my last post. I felt bad for bashing my friend. I guess it wasn't exactly a huge deal, she isn't gonna see it, and i was just venting..but it just kinda felt wrong.

One of my best friends had to go to the ER tonight...and I have no idea why..I just hope he's ok and that it's nothing serious =/



     So I've realized something tonight. Christmas is coming soon and everyone is all caught up in gifts and "Oo what do I want to get?" But when all the gifts are unwrapped and the months go by, the presents just aren't the same. They've gotten old, and soon to be outdated. And then after that there will be something better that comes along that you just have to have. All these things just are never enough. No matter how many gifts I get it's not really going to make me any happier. Sure, I love to get gifts. Of course when I first get a gift it's so new and so cool, but then it turns into just another thing that will sit around my house and become outdated. So how can we really be happy? By giving. Christmas is about giving. And not just on Christmas, but always. I mean seriously, if gaining gifts doesn't make us happy than what else can make us happy but to give? And not just helping someone out one day because you had a little extra time and money to give or just giving to a charity for the needy and saying, "oh ok I've done my good deed for the month."...but actually serving whole heartedly and showing others that you really care about them. New clothes and music and all that stuff will make us happy....but only for a little while.

    





thoughts? comments?

So I must admit that I am a crazy twilight fan
But what girl isn't? It's insane though how popular it's become. I was kinda expecting the movie to be disappointing, as most movies made from books are..but Twilight was pretty good. Things were just as I had pictured them and the cast was well picked.

But enough about Twilight...everyone's probably getting sick of all the craziness over it.

So I've told myself that I don't want to date again until I'm content with not dating first. Would you agree with that? I mean if I were to just start dating someone right now then it would only be because I want a boyfriend..not because I truly like them. Ugh but it's hard...And I also find myself being to scared to date someone else. After being in a relationship for almost 2 years and having it end just really messed me up. I mean I'm fine, just right now I'm so nervous to get that close to someone again. But I guess I'll just see how things play out...

and other than all of this, Thanksgiving is tomorrow
So Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

and if your reading please comment, it would be much appreciated to know someone's reading this. =]